Contents

WEbMAster: Randy Hudsons Joke Section

Tom Bey Joke Section

Kool Policeman Jokes Section

Joke Section: The Priest and The Parrots

Two Angels Seeking Peter

The { { {  SAY WHAT } } } Monthly News Column Page

{ Joke Page #2 }

: Randy Hudsons Joke Section                      “ NO LIE “ !            The other day I got into a taxi cab and forgot my cell phone home. I told the driver pull over here, so we got to my final destination and the driver said the price was going to be $30.00. Thirty dollars I yelled ? He said yes, higher gas prices you know, I can’t help it ? I said higher gas prices my foot we only went “ One City Block “ ! Hey, he said don’t blame me , blame inflation ? I said to him what union do you belong to  ? He said, “ The Over Charge Fare Union of NYC Taxi Drivers, of Course “ ! I paid him $3.00 and painted his ears with the negative NYC seven golden words he didn’t needed to hear for the other $27.00 he claimed I owed him, and got out of his taxi cab !          Stay Tuned ............                   I SEE YOU 1.                   I love my wife Matilda, she has been with me for over twenty years. She works for a large company and is constantly on the road. She flies around only in the USA selling new products to distributors and comes back to me every weekend. She makes big money and makes my life very easy by, holding onto our joint bank account book and by paying off all of my monthly bills for me with my salary check, what a life. Sam have you ever heard a song by Harry Belafonte ... Called - Matilda, She Takes Me Money and Runs To Venezuela ? " YEAH", I heard that song before.  But my BaBy has always comes back to me each weekend like clockwork for over twenty year's I have nothing to worry about. Are you sure "YES " ! Of Course, I'll show you. So SAM calls up his wife on his Cell Phone, clicks the speaker phone button on and asks her. Hey Baby, What's Up, How you doing ! " OK ", Where are you at right now darling ? She replies, " In Venezuela " ?             { { { WHAT } } }   2.                  Yo BLU-TOE, Check This Theater Line Out, To Be, Or Not To Be " , That Is The Question ? I don't know about all that 2 BE Or Not 2 Be Sucker ! Question Is Fool ? If you ain't got my money now ! I Will Be, A Kicking Your Ass Till Tomorrow ! !            " NOW WHERE'S MY MONEY SUCKER " !         EVER SEEN SHOOTING STARS, DURING THE DAY ? " NO " !                BOOM BAMM   I BET YOU, SEE'EM NOW                TWEET TWEETTWEET             Stay Tuned ............   3.                 Hey Brother, Why Do So Many Young Black Men Wear Bald Heads. Don't tell anyone I told you Sister but ? Most of them young boys are scared and believe that birds might make a nest and live within their Afro's for FREE forever. That’s why they go bald headed ahead of time because they can not collect monthly rent, from them flying birds.                             Stay Tuned .............   4.                  Sally, why you want a skinny man to be your husband, when their are plenty of good muscular, regular and fat size men out there. Well Alma I'm 200 pounds and when its Friday and that skinny man comes home from work and he says he ain't got " NO MONEY " for me ! I'm going to knock him in the butt, then sit on him until he tells me where his bank account book is. Can't do that with a FAT Man, or Muscle Bound Man Now Alma, Can I "NOPE " ! Ah. Ha, Ha Haaaaaa .........  I'm Gonna PIMP HIM TO HE SCREAMS and HOLLERS " SALLY " Ha, Ha Haaaaaa .........                     Stay Tuned .............   5.                  The other day the IND C Train Local went Express, " SAY WHAT " ! No lie, I was standing on the Shepherd Ave IND C Train Local Platform when it went by ........                         Stay Tuned ............   6.                  At The Beauty Shoppe, SORRY Lady their is just no beauty treatment in the world we could ever give or use on you that could repair a face like that. " WELL I NEVER " ! ! ! Well, Now You Have, and Don't Ever Say, " Nobody Ever Did " !                Stay Tuned .............   7.                  John bring me my, hearing aide out of the room ! Here's your Lemonade Grandma. " LEMONADE ", JOHN WHEN YOU DO FIND MY HEARING AIDE, Stick it in your ear and keep it , because you need it more than I do ?                            Stay Tuned ................   8.                  Yo AL, Tell Me what does they mean by Ater Scool Prorams. Well after school programs are for people like you. That graduated from High School, Can't Read, Can't Count, and  " Can't Spell, " SUCKER " ! " Oh " ?                                      Stay Tuned ................   9.                  Hey SAL, Man it's raining cats and dogs out there, and I got holes in both shoes ? Sam all you have to do is PUT TWO PLASTIC BAGS OVER YOUR SHOES and walk over to Tony's Grocery Store on Sutter Ave next door. Then buy some crazy glue and some of his so called FRESH Boloney Meat. Put some of that crazy glue on the Baloney and paste it over the holes in your shoes. Tony's meat is, tuff as leather and when you get home I bet you your feet will be "Dry AS HELL" ! Yo SAL I did what you said and you were right my feet were DRY AS HELL " when I got home ! I Told You ! Ha, Ha Haaaaaa                                                                            Stay Tuned .....................   10.             Girl I'm In LOVE With You, " Girl Your So FINE ",  I'd Drink Your Bath Water If You Let Me " Right NOW" ! Aaah Your Lying ! Really I'd Do Anything For You BaBE ! You Would ! Definitely Mom-mie ! You Really LOVE Me That Much ? YES BABY ! Well I just happen to have some fresh DIRTY bath water inside of this here soda bottle I was taking to the Doctor, Start Sipping Baby !            Wait A Minute, Hold Up BABE, Aaa- A-aaaa                    Stay Tuned …………..   11.              " Polly Vu Von Say ", That's all the French I speak Mister. Wee, Wee " MisSure " . Oh I take it, that you have to go to the bathroom or something Ha ........... " Ak - To -Leeba  NO, NO STUPID, " Wee, Wee " MisSure " Means YES, YES MISTER ……..                  Stay Tuned ………………   12.             They keep on saying London Bridge is falling down. So I got on a plane one day flew over to London on vacation and checked it out for myself. I went there and stood on the bridge as the demolition men were fixing it. Do you know that London Bridge, Finally Did Fall Down That Day "              No Lie ?            " I Went Down With It !                                             Stay Tuned ......   13.             Sam has a major retail business in the community on the corner. He's been doing business there for over 8 year's and has been getting filthy rich. The only problem is, when the Police drive or walk by. He closes down his store by kicking over the cardboard boxes and letting the three Ace Bent Cards fall to the floor ?     [ Smile ]  14.     A man going on vacation, was scared to fly. So he took the train. Strange thing happen as he looked out the train window ? A Plane, " HIT THE TRAIN " !            [ Smile ]  15.     SAM why you singing that song HOLY, HOLY, HOLY, IT'S NOT SUNDAY AND YOU SURE AIN'T IN CHURCH ? WELL THE GIRL WALKING RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. HER DRESS, GOT A LOT OF HOLES IN IT, I Can See Part of Her BUTT AND I WANT HER TO STOP THINKING, GET MAD, CURSE ME OUT, AND THROW THE DRESS DOWN RIGHT ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF US, Ha Haa Haaa.   16.     YO BRO, Where did you buy that KOOL Red Bandanna Scarf from. It's not a bandanna scarf stupid! It's a first aid head wrap bandage, A guy " hit me in the head", with a baseball bat last night and I started bleeding you idiot ....              "Oh"?                                                                                                                                    Stay Tuned ................... 17.             A handicap man named Joe in a wheel chair rolled into a bar  and ordered a drink. It was Christmas Day and lucky for him an Angel was already standing at the bar wondering where she would find a client to grant him his one wish on Christmas Day so she could earn her wings and get into heaven.  After two drinks wheel chair Joe now partly drunk yelled out ? If I had one wish left in this DAMM WORLD, I’d wish for two brand new legs. The Angel hearing Joe, realized her problem was now solved, she turned around and said.         Hi Joe my name is Angel, today is your lucky day, guess what, I really can grant you that wish. Joe said sure, an yelled out, well what are you waiting for ? So the Angel waved her magic wand and instantly granted Joe’s wish of two brand new legs !          Joe looked down and said HA-LAY-LU-YA. Now all he would have to do is learn how to walk once again. Then Joe stood up out of his wheel chair, he stumbled to the left, then stumbled to the right and kept going right out the swinging front doors of the bar into the street, and got hit by a passing Bus.   The Bartender in shock, with mouth wide open, scratched his head after seeing the accident and said ?            Joe should have quit, while he was ahead !  All original jokes above written by:   Randy Hudson { Top } _______________________________________________________________     Tom Bey JOKE Section Below      KOOL Policeman Jokes Policeman Joke Section, Written and Submitted by My Good Personal Friend: Tom Bey from Livingston New Jersey ............ Lets see if this   "BRIGHTENS YOUR DAY " !!  Subject:  Watch what happens after you read this ...................... A Police Office pulls your car over and say, Drivers License Please and you say ................. 1. I can't reach my license officer ?     Could you hold my Beer Bottle, Please.       ( OK in Texas ) 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize      My radar detector wasn't plugged in. 3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must-a-have been doing about     125 mph to catch up with me.  Good Job,    Maybe I should give you a speeding ticket Officer? 5. When a Police Officer pulls you over say to him/her, Which One Are You, Andy or Barney From The Mayberry RFD TV Show ? 6. Wow what a belly, I thought you had to be in relatively in good physical condition to be a Police Officer. 7. You got loads of beer or drugs in the trunk of your car say ? You look tired today Officer I'll save you some trouble so you don't have to work so hard today you don't have to look in the trunk Officer, I won't tell the Sargent on you, Here's a couple of Donuts for your trouble, see ya ? 8. You just got pulled over for speeding say to the Police Officer walking up. You know I forgot It's Friday Officer, Sorry, I know I pay your salary, but I forgot to leave the check WITH MY ACCOUNTANT, and you want to get paid, that's why your here, "RIGHT " ! ! 9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer that pulled me over said he was only going to give me a warning too. AND HE WROTE THE WARNING ON THE FRONT OF THREE TICKETS AND IT ONLY COST ME $600.00 INSTEAD OF $800.00 now that's a great cop he let me off with a warning and I didn't have to pay $800.00 10. Why did you pull me over Officer ? I know I was blocking you,  so now that I'm over on the curb, why did you stop here when you now have the whole road to freely pass me by ! 11. I was just trying to keep up with the traffic officer. Yes, I know there are no other cars around presently but. That's why I was just trying to keep up, that's how far ahead of me all the other cars are. 12. When a Police Officer pulls you over and you know your drunk and have been speeding. When the Officer steps up to your car window and says " Sir or Mam "....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking? SAY No WAY OFFICER ! Then Say, " Officer ", your eyes look glazed, have you been eating any Doughnuts ? You Definitely Look GLAZED TO ME OFFICER, and you should not be driving ! Its against the law to drive while being glazed. Are you sure, you saw, what you think you saw, or thought you saw what you had not been seeing? The car you think you saw, " Sure Wasn't Me Officer " !  Can I go now  ................... Police Officer Say's - Oh Your A Wiseguy Officer Its A Miracle, Your A Mind Reader Without Looking At My Drivers License ? You Just Guessed My Last Name Um-mmmmmmmmmmmmmm 13. Your getting a speeding ticket, say to the Officer. I was just trying to keep up with you Officer. I figured you are going to an emergency and I figured you might need some help when you get there. That's why I was trying to keep up with you. 14. If your a drug dealer don't never stop by any donut shop anywhere on earth to buy donuts because ? Their is a gang that hangs around donut shops 24/7 eating donuts. Called The Police Department 15. A man went to rob a store, he said ? THIS IS A STICKUP NOBODY MOVE ? He turned to get the money. Now looking down the barrel of a gun The Under Cover Police Officer said. Robbing a Donut Shop is alot like robbing a Police Station ? Theirs Always A Cop Hanging Around Somewhere. End of Police Joke Section { Top } _______________________________________________________________ Joke Section:  The Priest and The Parrots One Day A lady approached a priest and told him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two female talking  parrots, and now they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say my child" ? The priest asked. Listen to them Father, hear what they say ? "Hi", "Were Prostitutes" and We Want To Have Some Fun?  "That's Terrible!" The Priest Exclaimed, "I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to The Church in the morning and I will put them in the cage with my two male Priest parrots who will teach them to pray and read the Bible. " The next day", the lady brings her two female parrots to the Church. The two male priest's parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female talking parrots in the cage with the male talking parrots and the females say, "Hi, We Are Prostitutes" !  And We Want To Have Some Fun?   " One male priest parrot looks over at the    other priest parrot and screams", " FATHER JOHN " ! " FATHER JOHN " ! WHAT PUT THE BIBLE AWAY " WHY OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED " ! Oo-oooooo   { Top } _______________________________________________________________ "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER           Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said, "TWO PROSTITUTES.......$50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." They asked the cop why he let the other car go and he said, "Well, that's a little different, it pertains to religion." So the two ladies took their sign down and took off. The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two same ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy bust, he put the siren on and began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read... "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER... $50.00 " Got an original joke for posting contact us       = E-mail Us =  =                                  { Joke Page #2 } { Top }